So of course I realize...

Its not September yet.

 Its only August 12. 

But freshman orientation is on Aug.19th this year(I swear it gets earlier every year).

So for me there is essentially one week of summer left. 

And with 2 ministry commitments, Monday night and Tuesday night,

 this week is going to go very fast.

So that is what gets me thinking about new beginnings.

And all of these life changes I have been going through has me thinking about new roads in my life.

This last year I seem to be standing before a fork in the road.

I can continue to do what I've been doing,

 and now with more time than I've ever had to really dive in.

 Get it really going. 

Crank out new patterns every month. 

Really use my expensive Constant Contact newsletter list on a regular basis.

This is the time I've been waiting for for so long.

But alas, as I stand here looking down the two roads,

I find that  my heart just isn't in it.

If I take the familiar turn, 

I have a big motivation problem.

I wish I could be simply motivated by money.

 But if that were true I'd be working some 9 to 5-er, and pulling in a steady income. 

Sadly, that is not what has ever gotten my juices flowing.

So I turn to the other road.

The unfamiliar road.

The road that has been there all my life, gently calling; 

but not loud enough to drown out my commitments of  family. 

Not louder than my desire to mold and nurture my 4 masterpieces; 

the ones that took me 26 years to complete.

 The ones that are almost there but not completely done.

The scary unfamiliar road that is also somehow soooo enticing.

I turn and look down, 

and I am beginning to understand what it is going to take to go down that road.

Commitment

 and letting go.

September always brings new beginnings...

For me, there are certain times of year that feel like starting points.

 Obviously January, the beginning of the new year for everyone.

 But also June, when school lets out and the pace of life promises to slow down.

 The quick paced routine of sports schedules, school days and extra curriculars that dominate my life all winter and spring give way to more relaxed summer mornings and slower days with more room in them to breathe. 

But then vacation rolls around and things get a little hectic, and summer guests come in and as the end of summer approaches we feel the urge to pack in as many summer-only events as we can.

 Art fairs, farmers markets, fishing time, and cook outs with friends.

But then September rolls around and it feels like another new beginning.

 The leisurely mornings are gone and the "pace" comes back,

 but with it also more uninterrupted studio time.

 And usually by the end of summer I am craving uninterrupted studio time.

The end of summer usually finds me planning what new pieces I'm going to work on, or items to add to my Etsy Shoppe.

 But this year is a little different.

 Because I'm getting a little more adjusted to my masterpieces having grown up and moved away. 

Only one left at home now,  and eagerly ready to start her freshman year in high school. 

The oldest now married and her own family begun.

 And the two guys, my awesome guys, happily planted at their prospective schools and plugging away at the lives they are building for themselves. 

I am infinitely proud of every one of them. 

But its a little different now. 

At first I didn't realize when I sent them off to college, they weren't coming back. 

I was as eager as them to find the right school; help them choose goals and get them everything they needed to embark on the next stage of their lives.

 It was exciting.

 Visiting schools, worrying over ACT scores, the joy of the acceptance letters.

Buying all the stuff, driving them there and helping them get set up.

 And the first year so exciting, calling often, hearing about classes and professors. 

But then, the inevitable, "Mom I'm not coming back this summer, I found a job..."

But I'm getting used to it, I really am.

And I'm beginning to think about myself, my life, my goals.

I want to paint.

I want to make fine art.

I don't want to"craft" anymore.

There is nothing wrong with crafting, believe me I have made a living on it for 15 years. I am its biggest champion!

 But I no longer want to create that type of thing.

I want to paint.

I want to be a traditional,
suffers for her art,
 works relentlessly in her studio all day,
creates amazing paintings that cannot be ignored,
truly,  live...

ARTIST.

I'm getting more adjusted to the idea of "me" time. 

And the idea of "me" time is serious art time.

But everything has a price.

 And for me the price means no more of this and no more of  this. 

Because they are a kind of crutch.
Theya re the tried and true things I do when I need money. 

And without them I will have to float for a while,
and try to re-create who I am
and what I'm putting out there.

And its a little,
ok a lot,
scary.

Art journal page

It took me forever to finish this spread.