Long Absence and Paradigm Shift

Please forgive me for this long absence from the blog. Our family has undergone a great deal of suffering in the last 3 months. It has taken me this long to get my "sea legs" back. I am slowly getting back to even wanting to make art.

 On August 16, my dear beloved brother Edward inexplicably passed away. He died of natural causes, suddenly, and without any chance of saying goodbye, of telling him how incredibly dear he is to us, with out any fan fare.

I was visited in the night by a police chaplain.

 I sat there blinking awake and trying to comprehend. 

And from that moment my life, the lives of all my children and my husband, and the lives of many in our community were changed forever.

Fr. Edward Seisser was more than a brother to me.

 He was my confidant, my spiritual father, at times my savior, and patriarch of my family, both immediate and extended.

He was our pastor, our teacher, our principal, coach, devoted uncle, guidance counselor, baptist, evangelist and friend.

He was there for every single important event of my life, from wedding day, to births, to baptisms, confirmations, every single holiday save one, and every pitfall I fell into.

He shared everything with my family; all important events and unimportant events. My children were his children. He made all things possible for us. Things we only dreamed about he turned into reality with his quiet confidence and steady love and support.

We depended on him so much and never made a move without at least considering what he would think if not actually consulting him.

I am 52 years old and I don't know what I am going to do without him there to take care of me.

He was always taking care of me in every way; body and soul.

I feel just like an orphan, small and insignificant. I know everything will be ok, because he taught me to always, always trust in the Divine Will. 

And I do.

But the pain of it, you know? 

Its just always there. 

We try to go on, put up a brave face. Try to comfort all the people who's lives he touched who are hurting as well. Allow them to comfort us. Feel incredibly thankful for their sincere warm wishes and their prayers.

And somehow try to go on.